XOqNI

[tongueamok]

Hello, this is Carlisle. I mean, it's not Carlisle as in I'm actually answering you right now, so if you're trying to reply to me at the second, you should probably save your breath because I'm not really here. This is some kind of a recording of my voice, but this is my communicator. I'm going to assume these devices are as common here as they are in other places — not my world, but others, ones more technologically advanced than where I come from— so if you'd like to leave me a message, then you may do so here, or er... Right. Here is fine. So just leave yo— [beep]

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[voice]

[tongueamok]

[There's an instant fire in his chest as Rey brings up Glacius, a blaze white-hot that he almost lets out.

Almost. And yet, he holds his temper. She is lashing out in grief, he chides inwardly. He's done it loads of times himself, and has no doubt he will do it loads more times before he finally withers into nothing.]

I have not lost a partner, no. But I know well what it is like to lose someone and never know what it is they thought of you in their final moments. I know how it feels to- to not know if they still cared for you, or what they would do if they saw you now. Or to even know if they would love you in any regard. I-

[He chokes on something in his throat, his chest tight.]

I cannot fully understand your current pain, Miss Rey, but... I'm sorry. You were important to her, and you are important to me, and...

[He falls into silence. He couldn't make Kate see; how is he supposed to do anything for Rey, especially when she is grieving? When he knows he would be far weaker in her position? His guilt reinforces his envy, both robbing him of his voice and what fight he had in him, however briefly. He'll be dead soon anyway, leaving Glacius broken-hearted, having been damned to suffer such a loss with this relationship. That's a thought the alien would no doubt disagree with, but... Carlisle couldn't blame him if he did feel that way.]

[voice]

[circumitus]

Then you should know that it isn't so simple. You don't just get over that shit in one night and I'm just fucking sick of people acting like I should!

[She's heard the words: Move on. Let her go. And while Rey understands what they're trying to do, it doesn't make this easier. It just makes her emotions more turbulent. Sure, she can try faking it, but how long can she really hold that before she explodes?

[Maybe her mourning hasn't been the healthiest, but hell -- what is supposed to be healthy?

[There's a moment pause, before she draws in a sharp breath. Never mind the fact that Carlisle just admitted that she means anything to him.]

Look, I know what you're trying to do, and that's appreciated. But I'm going to need more than a few damned weeks to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to even deal with this. So save the pep talk and help Rose instead. That's all I give a shit about right now. [Because there's no easy answer to whatever she's going through. There's still a huge hole in her heart that her mother's death left. It's never easy. Never has been.]

[voice]

[tongueamok]

[There's a ragged sigh on his end. The thought that he will be putting Glacius through this pain, or something like it, makes his stomach churn, his skin aching at his middle near those scars.]

It... it isn't easy to move on from such a grievous loss, and perhaps you never will, but... I never meant to imply you should simply "get over it."

[Another breath, in and out. It shakes with the rest of him.] I... have found that devoting myself to others helps from time to time. As such, I will do what I can for Rose, Miss Rey.

[For both of their sakes.]

[voice]

[circumitus]

[No one had meant it that way, but that's the message Rey got on her end. Maybe her grief has just clouded her judgement; she can't think or see straight. In her isolation, she only wanted to escape from it all, only for it to keep finding her.

[And now, here they are. She's still here. Alive. And Maketh no longer is. Their relationship might not have lasted long, but Rey would be lying if she claimed not to care for the woman for much longer than that.

[Maybe Carlisle is right, and she never will recover. But she can't deny that there have been some things that only served to throw salt on her wounds.]

Good, you do that. Let me know if you need me for anything.

[She can't even bring herself to handle everything else Carlisle just said. All she wants is for this conversation to be over.]

[voice]

[tongueamok]

Of course.

[Hanging up now, the disconnect cutting off another, final sigh. He'll add to that the amends he must make to Miss Rey, his guilt as overwhelming as ever. Even in death, he will find no respite from it.

But he'll stave it off for now. He has another phone call to make.]