XOqNI

[tongueamok]

Hello, this is Carlisle. I mean, it's not Carlisle as in I'm actually answering you right now, so if you're trying to reply to me at the second, you should probably save your breath because I'm not really here. This is some kind of a recording of my voice, but this is my communicator. I'm going to assume these devices are as common here as they are in other places — not my world, but others, ones more technologically advanced than where I come from— so if you'd like to leave me a message, then you may do so here, or er... Right. Here is fine. So just leave yo— [beep]

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「A chance, he says, not understanding that even a little chance might be worth the effort and the sacrifice, this is not about him! Carlisle knows nothing about him! He's light whilst the demon is darkness, it's only natural to him to do it, it's his duty, he was born for this--!

But Atem swallows his words, seeing Carlisle getting worse by the second, he stops worrying about the topic at hand and he worries more for the priest himself. What a fool had he been.

Cannot see just how it destroys those left behind?

And then, the teen freezes at those words. It is not as if he was oblivious to the effects of what he did on those around him, but he had to do it! What good would it have been to have everyone die just he could live a little longer!? But it had never been about him, it had always been about those he loves, give them a chance at life. Had he marked them with his sacrifice? Had it been selfish? Listening to what he had always feared through Carlisle's voice is worse than he could have imagined. People had been to kind to answer his question, to soothe his fear — people move on, they don't forget but they keep on living — this is different, this is the anger and pain he had been dreading.

Had his cousin hated him this much when he left him alone with a country in ruins for him to deal with alone?

He doesn't have any answers. Did anyone? For a moment Atem merely stares at Carlisle, or through him, all these questions in his mind piling up. And then, he reacts, the coughs and the visage of the taller man bend under the pressure of his afflictions and the obnoxious black ink make him simply act without him thinking about it, moving to support Carlisle. He barely stops to think why the world has become a little blurry as warm threads run down his cheeks.」

[tongueamok]

[Though he stepped back from Atem just seconds before, he hasn't the strength nor intention to push him away this time; he lets his student support him as he steadies himself. He drags his sleeve along his jawline, wiping away most of the ink still lingering there before even attempting to meet Atem's gaze, shame still laced into his every feature. One of his own eyes is filled with ink, a black line trailing down his face; Atem's are brimming instead with tears, and Carlisle struggles to grasp why. Was it what he said striking a chord for once? Stress because of his outburst? Something else entirely?

He doesn't know. He doesn't ask just yet, either.]

I'm sorry.

[His voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper as he straightens up, bowing his head. The inky mess on the floor is all too much of a reminder that some stains cannot be washed away so easily. It would do him well to treat Atem better while he can. He would hate to go to the grave with his student's disdain rather than his friendship.]

It would behoove me to not spend what time I have left yelling at you.

[puzzlingly]

「It is not Carlisle who should be apologizing, it was Atem who had brought him to such state. If anything the man was right, again. They should not be discussing such grim matter when they truly don't know if it would be their last talk. But it is clear that Carlisle had hit a sore point, an entirely unresolved issue that he had been carrying for a long while now.

Is it truly worth it? Putting so much distress on those close to him for a questionable win? Ah, is it what it is? Just another game to win?

Atem's tears keep flowing effortlessly, not quite because of what Carlisle had or not said, he had simply opened a door he hadn't touched in a long time, letting out a series of repressed feeling, failures and the weight of his guilt — way too much for such a seemingly young man to bear. It's probably better this way.

Shaking his head he doesn't let go of his mentor.」

I needed that.

「He's prideful and stubborn, but not blind.」

[tongueamok]

[Carlisle's eyes remain lodged on the ground a moment more, transfixed by the ink; he forces himself to look away from the blackened pool, its perceived depths, though nonexistent, drawing him too far from reality. He cannot let that happen when his grasp upon it -- upon himself -- is so tenuous.

He puts a hand on Atem's arm; the touch is tentative, as though checking to make sure he is still there.]

Perhaps we both did. Still, such ramblings would be better suited for others. You do not deserve my ire.

[puzzlingly]

「Atem doesn't move away from his friend, not because he knows what Carlisle might be going through, but because he also needs him to be there, to ground him on his reality. He's no king, he has no real power to seal the demon, he has no right to give away the life he was given for a second chance, whether his Gods had intended him to last that long or not; and lastly, Carlisle, Atem should not be making his friend suffer so much, he should not be souring the little existence he might or not have, he should be there for him.

The teen dries his hears with his sleeve, trying not to give them so much importance.」

I... think I did. You gave voice to what some people would never dare to say, Carlisle. You have my thanks, for your honesty.

「And he attempts a little smile. It might be a little broken but it's genuine. He then brings up the page with the questionable notes, he gives it a through stare for a moment before he rips it in several pieces.」

[tongueamok]

Honesty need not come in the form of an outburst such as mine, but...

[Ever the self-deprecating one, Carlisle is. Still, he trails off as he meets Atem's smile with a nervous one of his own, one that shifts to a look of confusion as his student holds up his notes, then an expression of genuine gratitude as he tears them into pieces.]

Thank you. With what little relief is offered to me as I face my coming end, I can rest that much easier now... and perhaps turn my mind to what lies ahead, should I manage a miraculous recovery.

[He's not counting on one, but... it is nice to think about, far nicer than the thought of his student careening toward his demise at the hands of a demon -- or worse.]

[puzzlingly]

「Atem keeps the pieces in the pocket of his pants, in his mind, he's decided to set them on fire later.」

Anything for you... if it means it'll give you hope.

「What lies ahead is unknown, someone like Atem would rather focus on the present, but it is currently so grim for both of them that maybe looking forward to a brighter future might be the better option.」

... I'll make you some tea, and... If you're not too tired, can we run over those other notes? I was hoping I could help at reforesting the islands a little bit.

[tongueamok]

[Carlisle nods with a dry, relieved chuckle.]

Now there is a noble aspiration, and one that is within our grasp. You make the tea, and I'll take another look at those notes.

[Especially now that the middle page is out of the picture.]