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Hello, this is Carlisle. I mean, it's not Carlisle as in I'm actually answering you right now, so if you're trying to reply to me at the second, you should probably save your breath because I'm not really here. This is some kind of a recording of my voice, but this is my communicator. I'm going to assume these devices are as common here as they are in other places — not my world, but others, ones more technologically advanced than where I come from— so if you'd like to leave me a message, then you may do so here, or er... Right. Here is fine. So just leave yo— [beep] |
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Date: 2018-08-14 09:52 pm (UTC)「Atem keeps his tone steady, soft, his concern still very much there, but he keeps it also controlled as much as he can, he can get emotional, he knows it. He also knows how it is to be cornered in this way. It feels bad, every mistake one's ever done in their life keeps coming to the surface. He doesn't want Carlisle to run away now that he's there.」
You're not alone in here. People would help. Even Hope... The thing is, you cannot help someone who doesn't ask for help.
「From what Carlisle says, he doesn't want to end like this, but keeping silent about it will not change anything either, no matter how strongly he wishes for it. Atem literally found out through someone else, because someone else asked for him.」
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Date: 2018-08-24 08:05 pm (UTC)[That answer is immediate, almost spiteful. Given his religious convictions, it's no real mystery why he would insist that.]
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Date: 2018-08-24 08:19 pm (UTC)「Is it though? It's obvious, given how fast he just chose to focus on that.」
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Date: 2018-08-24 08:35 pm (UTC)[Yep. He's a church boy, all right.]
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Date: 2018-08-24 08:56 pm (UTC)Do you understand that they are not gods? No one worships them here, no one even seem to like them. Don't be so full of yourself! It is just sad that you'd think that your goddess would rather have you suffer and die before asking for help, this is no temptation, they are not demons! Learn some humility, Carlisle! Your goddess doesn't want you dead! You wouldn't be able to spread her word or do her will if you die or become something unrecognizable! Can't you see it?!
「It's evident his voice gets louder and louder as he speaks, how can someone be so blind!?」
And if that's the case, your goddess is cruel and merciless and I curse her for how shortsighted she's made you be!
「That's too much, he knows it — he doesn't care. Don't talk about religion to someone who was considered God among men.」
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Date: 2018-08-24 10:40 pm (UTC)You know nothing about my goddess! I have dedicated my life to her, sworn away years to serve in her name! You aren't of her world, nor in her service. How dare you presume to know what she wants! Or what she, in all her divinity, thinks of me! She—
[He grinds his teeth together, eyes widening as his mind catches up with his temper. He caught that at the end -- something unrecognizable. Despite the fire in his veins, his voice drops in tone, becomes like ice.]
What do you know.
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Date: 2018-08-26 02:44 am (UTC)「He could go on, oh by the Gods, he could. He's got a big mouth and big words. He could say that no god worthy of being called that would do that to their beloved children. That, on the other hand, Carlisle is disrespecting her from doing nothing. But that's not like him, not anymore, he wishes to think he's a little better than this — despite of how difficult is for him not to speak from his heart — he talked too much and said what he wanted to say, he is not this ruthless person, not anymore. He won't insult Carlisle's goddess, it would be as if he insulted his own.
He adopts a different demeanor, for as young as he looks, there is some seriousness in him that Carlisle might have never seen.」
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Date: 2018-08-26 03:07 am (UTC)[Apparently, that's the part Carlisle takes the most umbrage with -- not just his goddess, not just Atem's disrespect of his deity, but with what personal information he may know about the cleric himself.]
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Date: 2018-08-26 03:12 am (UTC)I think I made myself clear from the start, you're dying.
「Carlisle is not going to be Carlisle when, or if that happens, he'll be gone. Carlisle is going to die.」
Was it supposed to be a secret? Did you see the post that Kate made?
「Pretty sure he's not the only one who knows.」
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Date: 2018-08-26 04:58 am (UTC)[His body trembles; he stifles a cough, his hand going to his chest as he feels his ribcage rattle from within.]
You said I'd- I'd become something unrecognizable. Why? Why would you say such a thing? What do you think you know about me, or my goddess, or anything that's going to happen?!
[That cough makes its way out of him regardless -- and with it, the ink.]
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Date: 2018-08-26 05:04 am (UTC)This is very much like what happened with Michael, isn't it? Atem trying to fix things, just as he's used to. He would have thought he had learned by now.
Instead of answering immediately, the young man looks away, giving the very angry priest a moment to compose himself.」
Is it a lie?
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Date: 2018-08-26 05:29 am (UTC)[He says that, but given Atem is his student, is kind of is, at least in a way. Carlisle is too furious to see that at the second, to think of anything else about what it is others think they know about him. He's been dealing with it his entire life -- being watched, being judged, being thought of something less than what he is. It's all taken its toll on him down the line, embroiling him in the bitterness that will no doubt fuel the Revenant he leaves behind.
He can't have that, he thinks, his hand tightening against him -- it's on his abdomen now, on those old wounds. He can't have that or think about that or even consider that at the moment because he doesn't have enough time left and now there's ink on the floor again what a fantastic job he's done miserable failure of a Longinmouth who would never amount to anything but the downfall of his family both literally and figuratively—
He tries to clear his throat, but more ink comes up.]
I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask for her help, or your accusations, or this damnable curse.
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Date: 2018-08-27 12:23 am (UTC)But more ink comes out and Atem cannot keep just being there doing nothing. He stands and approaches back to him again, offering a clean rag.」
I know you didn't. I'm not your enemy, Carlisle, please.
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Date: 2018-08-27 01:12 am (UTC)Don't touch me. And don't speak about my goddess in such a way. Don't speak about me in such a way.
[He grits his teeth on the emphasis, ink continuing to drip through them like venom.]
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Date: 2018-08-27 01:38 am (UTC)「It is him who just gets away again, but not too far, opting to stand somehow near him anyway, just in case because he looks absolutely awful. What would Yugi do? He'd apologize and try to help him anyway, but Yugi is not there. He does not apologize for what he said, because he meant it, besides, going back to the topic would probably make it worse. He simply cannot warp his head around how anyone would put their faith on something that has given their back at them.
He should leave, but he cannot leave Carlisle like that, what if he just, dies right there? Who should he call? Rey, maybe? Could be.」
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Date: 2018-08-27 01:45 am (UTC)He finds his voice a few seconds later; it's quieter, as shaky as the rest of him, far more graveled than before from the pain in his throat.]
Tell me what you know, Atem.
[That's not a question, nor a polite request.]
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Date: 2018-08-27 02:10 am (UTC)Will he stop though?
Probably no. He'd feel even worse not to care at all.」
Your soul is bleeding out.
「That's basically it, wasn't it?」
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Date: 2018-08-27 02:51 am (UTC)Is that what she said.
[Again, not a question.]
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Date: 2018-08-27 02:40 pm (UTC)「It's obvious who they are talking about, right?
No, not Kate.」
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Date: 2018-08-27 03:18 pm (UTC)[He paws at his eye; there's ink there, too. He doesn't clarify who he is talking about, but he has no reason to suspect Atem would have learned such things from anyone else but Kate. His friendship with her is as turbulent as ever in these final months.]
That is accurate.
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Date: 2018-08-27 04:23 pm (UTC)Despite the distance Atem keeps between them, he cannot take his eyes away from his mentor, still unsure what to do; this is not like him, he's always thinking ahead, trying to predict people's moves, get a solution to everything his uncertainty can be seen just as the fear in his eyes, fear for Carlisle only. But given the priest's state, no one can expect him to be mindful of that at all, Atem of all people hopes how useless he truly is doesn't show.
What can he do? He doesn't dare asking, he knows the answer.」
Should I call anyone?
「It's clear he shouldn't be alone in a moment like this.」
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Date: 2018-08-27 06:39 pm (UTC)[At least when it comes to his condition. Either way, he would agree: he shouldn't be alone, as much as he'd like it. He reaches toward Atem, palm up -- he's looking for that rag after all. Finding discomfort in the silence, he continues.]
She is aloof. Not cruel, not merciless, but dreaming.
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Date: 2018-08-27 06:42 pm (UTC)... Who?
「Okei.」
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Date: 2018-08-27 06:48 pm (UTC)[It's in those times where he's struggling to get a grip on himself -- on reality, on what lies behind him and what has yet to be seen -- that Carlisle turns back to what he does know: his faith. He tilts his head up, his face visible to Atem now as he glances toward his little shrine on the far wall; one of his eyes is black with ink, a trail of it streaming down his cheek. It coats one side of his glasses, caught under the edge.]
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Date: 2018-08-27 06:58 pm (UTC)Atem keeps a tense silence from his part, a pale rose coloring his cheeks out of embarrassment. He barely glances towards the shrine before his attention is back to the priest.」
What does she want from you?
「He finally gathers the courage to ask.」