XOqNI

[tongueamok]

Hello, this is Carlisle. I mean, it's not Carlisle as in I'm actually answering you right now, so if you're trying to reply to me at the second, you should probably save your breath because I'm not really here. This is some kind of a recording of my voice, but this is my communicator. I'm going to assume these devices are as common here as they are in other places — not my world, but others, ones more technologically advanced than where I come from— so if you'd like to leave me a message, then you may do so here, or er... Right. Here is fine. So just leave yo— [beep]

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「The time that Carlisle gets to compose himself, Atem cannot help but go to these places again, what good is he here for? He cannot really help anyone, not even himself. He keeps trying with terrible results.

Will he stop though?

Probably no. He'd feel even worse not to care at all.」

Your soul is bleeding out.

「That's basically it, wasn't it?」

[tongueamok]

[Was that a heavy sigh that just escaped Carlisle, or is he struggling to breath? Probably a little of both.]

Is that what she said.

[Again, not a question.]

[puzzlingly]

Yeah.

「It's obvious who they are talking about, right?

No, not Kate.」

[tongueamok]

I see.

[He paws at his eye; there's ink there, too. He doesn't clarify who he is talking about, but he has no reason to suspect Atem would have learned such things from anyone else but Kate. His friendship with her is as turbulent as ever in these final months.]

That is accurate.

[puzzlingly]

「Who said it has no real importance anymore, does it?

Despite the distance Atem keeps between them, he cannot take his eyes away from his mentor, still unsure what to do; this is not like him, he's always thinking ahead, trying to predict people's moves, get a solution to everything his uncertainty can be seen just as the fear in his eyes, fear for Carlisle only. But given the priest's state, no one can expect him to be mindful of that at all, Atem of all people hopes how useless he truly is doesn't show.

What can he do? He doesn't dare asking, he knows the answer.」

Should I call anyone?

「It's clear he shouldn't be alone in a moment like this.」

[tongueamok]

There is nothing they can do any more than you.

[At least when it comes to his condition. Either way, he would agree: he shouldn't be alone, as much as he'd like it. He reaches toward Atem, palm up -- he's looking for that rag after all. Finding discomfort in the silence, he continues.]

She is aloof. Not cruel, not merciless, but dreaming.

[puzzlingly]

「Atem handles him the rag.」

... Who?

「Okei.」

[tongueamok]

My goddess, the Camisou.

[It's in those times where he's struggling to get a grip on himself -- on reality, on what lies behind him and what has yet to be seen -- that Carlisle turns back to what he does know: his faith. He tilts his head up, his face visible to Atem now as he glances toward his little shrine on the far wall; one of his eyes is black with ink, a trail of it streaming down his cheek. It coats one side of his glasses, caught under the edge.]

[puzzlingly]

「Oh--

Atem keeps a tense silence from his part, a pale rose coloring his cheeks out of embarrassment. He barely glances towards the shrine before his attention is back to the priest.」

What does she want from you?

「He finally gathers the courage to ask.」

[tongueamok]

She doesn't want anything in particular, save for to be left to rest. We clergy in service of the Clarity try to guide others in her name, lest they find themselves removed from the cycle.

[Needless to say, the deities of his world are a little... unusual.]

[puzzlingly]

... 「Yeah he doesn't get that.」 Then what is her purpose?

「It is not an accusatory remark more than a real question, what does she represent?」

[tongueamok]

She is a goddess. Does she truly need one? And if so, who would define it for her?

[Who is your boss when you're divine?]

[puzzlingly]

「A goddess of what? It's so confusing to him.」

Well... Gods, they protect their followers, they watch after their wellbeing and they provide them with what they need. Either faith, a promise to a better life, for some, even material things. They create. And in return, people believe in them and worship them. They put their lives in their hands.

[tongueamok]

[His world is like that, in a lot of ways.]

My goddess did create. She is the maker of my world. She alone is able to return us to the cycle and give life anew. Without her or the Domu, we are lost.

[puzzlingly]

「The creator god, goddess in this case. Was that so hard to say?」

The Domu?

[tongueamok]

Another deity, the one who collects us upon death, should he see fit. The two have a symbiotic relationship... of sorts.

[He drags his bandaged arm along his face again, straightening up, finally removing his hand from the wall. He's standing well enough on his own now.]

He flew into her great maw to steal her tongue, but found himself ensnared. He now collects souls to return them to the cycle, lest she devour him completely.

[Or so they say. There are a lot of stories and reasons passed down as to why they work together, but that one is the one that his order teaches, and the one that makes the most sense to him.]

[puzzlingly]

「Atem nods at that, sounds a little more familiar that way.」

Will she not help you?

[tongueamok]

That... is complicated.

[He shakily makes his way back to his chair, sliding into it. His tea is cold by now.]

I used to believe that she might take pity upon me, and allow me to return to the cycle despite my affliction. I now know that the problem isn't that my very essence is tainted, but that even if it wasn't, there is not enough of me left to return at all. It is a true conundrum with no real solution.

[puzzlingly]

「For once, Atem keeps his mouth shut, given his earlier reaction, he doesn't want to risk it.」 

Are you sure about that?

「Might as well gauge the situation, that's not at all what Ravine told him. Not everything was lost.」

[tongueamok]

Even if you could seal the wound, I am barely alive.

[As much as it pains him to say it aloud, he has known it for some time, and tried to accept his slow demise. Much worse is how it affects those around him. Perhaps that is the reason twice-cursed are discouraged from forming relationships with others, often ostracized by society at large. Carlisle can't say he blames anyone for that, no matter how embittered he may truly be about it.]

That is why Kate wanted to make a phylactery. She thought that, by storing what is left of me in some external vessel, it might prevent some degree of what is to come.

[And even Kate doesn't know the full extent of it.]

[puzzlingly]

「Okay... Time to use his trap card, maybe. No, it is.」

What... what about what Ravine offered you?

「Had she told him...?

She had specifically asked him about his opinion over it, and he had said no, but it shouldn't be his call. It was really unfair for both of them.」 

[tongueamok]

So you have been talking to others.

[Apparently, he was not talking about Ravine earlier. That brings back the question of just how much Atem knows -- how much a seer was willing to disclose to him. There is no true privacy in this place, clearly, not even with his students. He should have known that much from dealing with Emily.]

She did not go into the finer details, and there is no guarantee what she has to offer would work. And as for what remains, I have already made arrangements for it to be dealt with.

[He assumes if Ravine told Atem about his affliction, she perhaps told him about the end result.]

[puzzlingly]

She's is the only one I've talked to.

「But telling him about it is definitely not up to him, he needs to talk to her first, he cannot be the only thing that's stopping her from helping someone else.

But Atem's fear is back to his eyes with that last.」

What do you mean...?

「Has he truly given up?」

[tongueamok]

[Ah. Perhaps Ravine did have some discretion after all. Carlisle's face tightens, his eyes fixating on his hands.]

When there is nothing left of the twice-cursed, they become... something unrecognizable.

[To put it in Atem's own words.]

[puzzlingly]

「Atem brings a hand over his face, over his eyes, momentarily as if it would shield him from the world from a few seconds. The truth is that he's deeply in conflict with himself, he doesn't want to lose his friend, he doesn't want Ravine to suffer anymore, she deserves better, but so does Carlisle...」

I'll... talk to her.

「His voice is but a whisper and he dares not to look up at those glowing eyes again. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he allowed let that opportunity pass.」