tongueamok | XOqNI

[Carlisle gives Glacius a brief smile, his willingness to help always reassuring; however, he's aware of how sensitive a subject the scar that marrs his partner's face can be. Glacius has expressed before that the wound and his missing mandible might give off the impression of bloodthirstiness: others may see an old injury and believe him to have been an aggressor rather than a defender. The ruined flesh reminds him every day of his failure to protect his friends from all harm.

Of course, Carlisle sees the scar in another light entirely. Those across his own abdomen are the brand of ineptitude, of a true disappointment who couldn't even die properly; however, Glacius' is different, as is everything when it comes to how Carlisle views the benevolent giant. That scar reminds him of the trust they have for one another: it was born when Glacius shielded him, mended under his watchful eye. He knows the injury as if it were his own, his hand having trailed along every inch of it numerous times. It became so much more for Carlisle as the two of them recovered together, growing closer as they shared the burdens they carried.

But ultimately, the scar bothers Glacius -- it still must, Carlisle thinks to himself, his eyes flicking downward, landing on the helmet. The confident, proud alien wouldn't hide it otherwise.

Carlisle hesitates, swallowing down his apprehension and another bite of bread as he works up the nerve to broach the topic.]

Well. Um.

[So far, not so good. Back his eyes go to Glacius, to that scar. He takes a deep breath -- Glacius has always been patient, as he is in all things; he won't suddenly and violently snap over this. Carlisle is just worried about reinforcing his friend's self-consciousness over the injury by bringing it up. He can't put it off forever though, not with how badly he's wondered about it for two days now.]

When you told me that the snow would restore you from any wound or infection, I thought you meant it would simply aid in your recovery, but your gills are truly like new. They were ruined, torn, and yet, you breathe better now than I may have ever heard you. I was given the impression the snow could do more for older wounds, then. And I suppose it was foolish to think it would mend your missing, ah. I mean, your scar. That one.

[There wasn't a question in ther, but perhaps Glacius knows what he's getting at.]

[Glacius returns the grin, the expression shifting from one of simple happiness into one of reassurance when the silence stretches between them, as he has learned that is more often than not a sign that Carlisle is battle with some misgivings. At first the ice alien has no clue what it could be about, but then he notices that his partner's gaze has ended up not on his eyes but just beyond that, settling at the heavy scarring to the right side of his face. The alien's gills flutter, fairly certain he knows what's coming... and when the clergyman finally manages to have out with it, he gives but a weak, unsure chuckle in response, dropping his gaze to the bread in his lap.] Ha... your mind is sharp, as always, understanding even processes that are alien to you. You were correct... the snow could have healed everything--the bone, the scar--it could have even replace the mandible in its entirety... I simply did not allow the healing process to complete fully.

[For a moment, it seems as if the ice alien is going to simply lean it there--but then another chuckle moves him, and he swivels his head on that long, curving to look at Carlisle once more.] I mean... how could I? It has come to signify so much... loss and pain and suffering, yes, I will forever carry that with me. But it is also crowns our coming together; it is a physical mark of the solidarity we share, and hopefully, a reminder to you that you do not need to bear your burdens alone. Even the one you view as strong and noble has their scars; if I am not defined by this, [and here he taps one long finger to the edge of the most prominent scar--] then neither should you be for yours. [And now he gestures more vaguely to his partner's stomach.] I will bear the sign of our commonality until you can finally believe that, if I must. It is so very important to me.

[Somehow, that is both the answer Carlisle wanted and one that's completely unexpected. A part of him had hoped that Glacius had somehow chosen to keep it: its presence had been a gateway of sorts for Carlisle, allowing him to grow comfortable with physical contact between the two of them, especially as it healed and the touches became more of an intimate expression. Even on the night they expressed how they felt for one another, it had helped him ease into things at his own pace. It was something familiar, comforting, and Glacius always did his best to make him feel that way.

What Carlisle hadn't expected was that the icy giant would keep it not just for his sake, but for his own, as well. For as unsure as he was about bearing the scar for all to see, Glacius recognized it as a symbolic point for them both, as not just an experience they shared, but of what they, as individuals, had suffered through, yet were not defined by.]

Oh.

[One word, but Carlisle's face stays red, his mouth stretching into a wide frown for only a moment before the ends of it curl slightly in an unsure smile. His eyes do the most talking: he blinks away obvious bleariness before pushing his fingers under his glasses to paw at one of them.]

Somehow, I'd thought you'd rid yourself of it the moment you could, but you are as thoughtful as always. I should have expected this, shouldn't I?

[His fingers twitch, and he reaches toward said scar, his smile more evident -- he's touched, and unsure of how to express it, so he goes for what's familiar.]

Perhaps. Perhaps not. It might not be an entirely rational choice, but it... felt right for us. [Glacius murmurs gently, immediately lowering his head to make it easy for Carlisle to reach him, and tilting his head against his partner's hand when he feels those fingertips grace his scar. He's attempting to encourage and reassure the clergyman, having seen more physical tells--though there was a point when any excess moisture in the human's eyes would have been cause for concern, the ice alien is getting better at discerning when it's a sign of sadness or pain, and when it's a sign that the clergyman is feeling moved. That touches the ice alien in turn--Carlisle has such a good heart, and he's more sensitive than he thought a human could ever be back before he was brought to this cave... though he supposes the human could say the same thing about him in turn.]

[Carlisle gives his partner a true smile, his hand resting more steadily on the scar as he leans forward to press his forehead to Glacius'.]

For us, then.

[It'll be a gradual process, thinking in terms of them rather than him, but Carlisle is making small steps. For now, he closes his eyes, just happy to share the moment with someone he truly trusts. Their meal can wait.]

[Their meal is the only thing keeping the alien from becoming even more adamant in his affections; it's hard to turn himself towards Carlisle fully without the bread in his lap tumbling into the grass. That's alright, though--he's content to sit here and enjoy the affection from his partner, the careful, considerate stroking along old injuries a familiar comfort. After basking in that for a little bit, he does press back against the clergyman's forehead, then tilts his head down so that he can give him a proper nuzzle, chuffing out a happy breath as he does so.]

[Carlisle remains there another moment, allowing Glacius to return his gesture, then finally parts from the alien, pulling off another piece of the loaf in his lap. He, too, would hate for it to go to waste.]

Thank you. You really didn't need to keep it for my sake, but I, um. It did help that night, under the stars. Not that you make me uncomfortable, of course, but starting with something I already knew was far easier to adjust to than something, ah.

[He'll figure out how to express himself eventually.]

[Glacius butts against Carlisle's fingers one last time, then allows them to separate so that they can both return to their lunch. He listens dutifully as he follows the clergyman's example; another sizeable chunk of bread gets torn off and summarily absorbed.]

I could tell, and was glad for it... and even if you might have felt out of your depth with what came after, you were good at all of it. Despite the deteriorating condition of my gills, I was able to breathe easily for some time after your attention. [The seems to fall into consideration for a moment, then takes another piece of his bread and continues.] Anyways... I wasn't sure if you were going to be happy with me keeping the scar or not... but if it helps you, I shall. There may be opportunities to heal it at a later date--[though he doesn't like relying on the gods, he can't help but admit that the ability to call down a patch of snow was extremely helpful--] but for now, it seems important to continue bearing it.

[Carlisle rubs at the back of his neck, his eyes on the bread in his other hand.]

I would rather you do what is best for yourself, but... if it doesn't not harm you, as your wounded gills did, then I appreciate the gesture. Just don't- don't feel the need to do things for my sake, especially if they would make you unhappy. You already do a great deal for me.

[He's rarely had to concern himself over another's happiness rather than just their well-being; his capacity for such an activity, much like the rest of this relationship they're now bound in, is a work in progress.]

[Glacius swivels his head about to look at Carlisle--he appreciates that he's been given agency in this decision, and after a moment he does seem to arrive at one, as a smile appears on his face.] I'll tell you what. Let me know when your own scars bother you a little bit less... and in the meantime, promise that you'll touch mine every now and again, and I think I'll be just fine.

[Carlisle returns that smile with a hesitant look, his hands fiddling nervously with the bread between them.]

And what if my own scars never cease to bother me? Or if, in a moment of selfishness, I decide that I won't tell you even if they do, so that I may take you up on your offer any time I wish?

To the former--do not worry, we will work on it. To the latter... [His smile turns coy now, and he lowers his head ever-so-slightly.] ... maybe just hearing that you're selfish when it comes to the affection we share gives me some added incentive to keep it. It's all for you, you know, and I... like knowing that it means so much to you.

[That coy look makes Carlisle burn... but also smile. He'd rather Glacius do more for himself than for him, but he can't help but feel undeniably flattered for the alien's attention -- his partner's attention, attention of a sort he's never had from anyone else.]

Perhaps, ah. I could be selfish, then. When you get home.

[Glacius is honestly delighted by that suggestion; a purr rolls up out of his throat, deep and sonorous thanks to his healed gills and healthy airways.] Not only did you come all this way just to spend time with me on my break, but you continue to put effort in to developing even the aspects of this relationship that are unfamiliar to you... Carlisle, I appreciate this more than I can say. And to know that you look forward to it just like I do means a lot to me.

When I get home, then, you can have me all to yourself. I can't think of a more enjoyable way to spend the evening. [And now he uses one large hand to keep the bread safely situated in his lap as he turns his upper body towards his partner; his other hand comes to Carlisle's chin, attempting to tilt his head up slightly so that he can graze his one intact mandible over his jawline in an alien kiss.]

[Carlisle obliges to Glacius' touch, tilting his head at the alien's encouragement, grinning widely as the mandible skirts his jawline. There's that warmth in his chest, a fire stoked by the rumbling sounds of affection his partner gives him.]

I only return the dedication I've been given, Glacius. I am more often than not afraid of the unknown, but with you, I feel as though I face my uncertainties accompanied rather than alone. For that, I cannot thank you enough.

I'm glad that you feel that way. [Glacius purrs the words out, then goes right back to kissing. He's definitely feeling some of that honeymoon phase (not that he knows that exact term, but there are ice alien analogues that are close enough) where everything about this relationship is novel and exciting and he could just wants to sit back and explore all of that with his partner for hours on end. Now is not the time or place, however... so the otherworldly being does eventually pull away, allowing the wait to simply make him more eager for the upcoming night.] We stand by each other, and that is exactly what relationships should be about. Knowing I have you by my side makes me feel better about whatever trials might lay before us... you have always been such a constant source of support for me. Whether we are facing down the torments of the gods or simply going about our day to day lives, that makes a big difference to me.

[Carlisle finds himself a little disappointed when Glacius pulls away -- he has to admit that while the concept of human kissing strikes him as slightly disgusting, at best, the alien equivalent is actually kind of nice -- but he understands that there will, hopefully, be more later. It is something to look forward to.]

I feel the same. I will admit that I don't exactly... handle my troubles well sometimes.

[Given his usual solutions involve drinking, sequestering himself away, or, as in the latest dilemma, forcing himself to stop panicking via compulsion, that would be an understatement.]

It, like all things, is a learned skill. [Glacius muses, working on the last of his bread now.] And I will do what I can to see to it that you do learn. That's part of the reason why I always invite you to join me in my breathing and stretching exercises in the morning... I find that sort of thing very relaxing, a good way to calm the mind before heading out to tackle the challenges of the day. And when those challenges do prevent themselves, or when you find things going wrong, it's important to know how to talk yourself down... things are rarely as bad as we make them out to be, and becoming panicked or distraught only serves to make them worse.

[Finishing up his lunch, Glacius neatly folds the paper that it was wrapped up in, leans back and takes a breath of the fresh air, then opens his eyes and looks to Carlisle again.] We'll work on it together, as we do all other things. Are there any particular obstacles you find yourself getting caught on when problems do arise, that keep you from handling them as well as you'd like?

[Carlisle has so many potential answers to Glacius' question: his inability to handle high stress when he is directly involved with the problem, his inclination to assume things will worsen because of his mere presence, the constant thought that he is the failure of his bloodline and will continue to be so, the pounding in his head that drives him mad as his curse threatens to dominate him—]

No, I, er. I suppose not.

[Glacius gives him a look that suggests he is not entirely convinced by that answer--but perhaps the clergyman just does not want to focus on such things while they are enjoying a simple, peaceful time together. So he relents, lifting one shoulder and tossing his head to the side in the ice alien equivalent of a shrug.] Well, if you discern any, I am always here to talk about it. In the meantime, thank you for the food and companionship. It certainly brightened my day.

Then I will consider this endeavor successful.

[At least he's doing something right... for now. He finishes off his own portion and tucks the paper back into his bag, wondering idly what he has in the way of alcohol at the apartment. Surely enough to settle his nerves.]

I suppose I should allow you to return to your post. Should the streets suddenly become dangerous, they will need you.

As well you should! I hope we can make a habit of it, honestly. I am loathe to go our separate ways as is, but I suppose it would not be becoming of me to step away from my post for too long. Now, is there anything else you need of me? Have I settled your mind? I would be a poor partner if I let you walk away with something worrying you or nagging at the back of your thoughts.

[He gives Glacius a smile, setting his hand atop the alien's for as reassuring a squeeze as he can muster.]

As settled as it can be, thanks to your efforts. Your skill in rallying my spirit never ceases to amaze me.

[And as reluctant as he is for them to part, Carlisle does get to his feet. He would like to have Glacius all to himself for as long as possible, but such selfishness is unbecoming of him, especially given he shouldn't have such a relationship in the first place. It is already because of him that Glacius keeps his scar -- what more does he want?

He swallows that thought down, knowing it'd be best not to be consumed by it when he just said his mind was 'as settled as it can be.' It's frightening how quickly his own paranoia can eat him alive. He has been like that for a long time, though -- he cannot expect to change that overnight. He will survive until Glacius returns home and he feels safe from his troubles once more.]

[Glacius seems satisfied with that answer for the time being. When Carlisle squeezes against his hand he butts against him one last time, then allows the clergyman to get up, doing the same shortly after.] Ha... well, I wish the results could be more tangible at times, but one step at a time, I suppose. I do appreciate you saying so. In the meantime just focus on tonight, and we'll see if we can't get it settled the rest of the way.

Now, come. Spire Two is on the way back to the bridge that leads to the Guard's Headquarters. We can enjoy each other's presence for a little bit longer still. [With that he loops an arm around Carlisle's shoulders as has become their usual situation, leading them out of the park and back towards the curve in the road that takes them past the wooden bridge and sweeps towards their Spire. At that point their paths diverge, and Glacius gives his partner one last parting nuzzle, thanking him again for a wonderful outing. The day is going to seem longer now that he has such enjoyable evening plans... but that's more than alright with him, as it gives him something extra to look forward to.]

XOqNI

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