tongueamok | XOqNI

「Carlisle doesn't have to ask twice. Just after making sure that he is able to stand by himself (as he had all the time anyway) and reach the chair, Atem goes to the very small kitchen-like area to serve him some of that previously brewed tea. He doesn't say anything but his actions alone say enough, Carlisle doesn't have to be sorry, no one is making the smaller man stay nor put up with the whatever terminal state Carlisle is in, he wants to help, that much is clear.

He leaves the mug and a small (quickly dampened) towel on the table in front of the other and, after a brief but solid squeeze on Carlisle's shoulder, he busies himself at trying to clean the mess Carlisle left on the floor. The priest is not about to go anywhere anyway, not in that state, he's not about to torture him to speak of the elephant in the room. Not yet anyway.」

Edited 2018-08-14 20:48 (UTC)

[Guilt keeps Carlisle from looking at Atem as he cleans up the mess; necessity allows him to move once more as he clasps the mug with both hands, trying to will them to stop shaking for even a moment. He cannot feel the heat of the drink, but he knows it's there, breathes it in as the steam rises from the liquid within. It stills him briefly, enough that he can hold the drink in one hand and get the towel with the other.]

Sorry, lad. That happens from time to time.

[More often now than it used to. Atem may not yet address the elephant in the room, but Carlisle, out of remorse or guilt -- or perhaps respect he's come to feel for the lad, given his diligence with this task -- speaks anyway. He knows questions must be waiting.]

I am cursed. That's why. It's not you, it's not this -- it's existing that does this to me. I should have- I should have taken more time, or been more cautious, but this needed to be done.

[His tone says he's convincing himself of that more than trying to inform Atem of what he already likely knows.]

「How many times before had Atem uttered those same words? It had to be done. It was necessary. He cannot help but shut his eyes for a second, tightly, knowing the full extent of those seemingly insignificant words. He remembers them being one of the very last thoughts he ever had during his life, twice. The first time, he ended up killing himself, and the second, he left everything he had ever loved behind and both were necessary. He and Carlisle both knew it, and they both should have been more careful.

But he doesn't let that show, as he finishes cleaning the floor to the best of his abilities (his cleaning still leaves a lot to be desired) without looking up at Carlisle once, without speaking up yet.

He takes his time to return to his chair, and when he does, he finally stares at Carlisle thoroughly, his elbows on the table and his fingers intertwined between each other.」

You should get that fixed.

「Don't play coy, Carlisle, he knows he has been given options.」

Edited 2018-08-14 21:18 (UTC)

[Carlisle's eyes remain affixed on the mug before him, his brow tightening.]

It is not a wound that can merely be 'fixed,' lad. And were there a way, what consequences would there be?

[His tone is utterly sincere, no coyness or duplicity to be found.]

「The older man is being honest with him, more than Atem would have imagined, all the can do is return the gesture in kind.」

Maybe not, but I don't think that's the point... Nothing worth of doing so ever is easy. The real question here is if you really want to fix it.

Do you think I wouldn't?

[Despite his exhaustion and his elation just moments ago, his teeth grind together reflexively; the do nothing to hold back another drop of ink as it escapes him, trailing through the gaps along his gumline.

He bites it back. He has to. After all Atem has done for him, right down to the tea he's holding, he doesn't deserve Carlisle's ire. As far as the clergyman is concerned, he doesn't know.]

What I want and what I am capable of are two different things. No one wants to be cursed. No one wants to make a literal mess of things when he has taxed himself. No one wants that to be his legacy.

I don't know, Carlisle... Maybe that's why I'm asking you.

「Atem keeps his tone steady, soft, his concern still very much there, but he keeps it also controlled as much as he can, he can get emotional, he knows it. He also knows how it is to be cornered in this way. It feels bad, every mistake one's ever done in their life keeps coming to the surface. He doesn't want Carlisle to run away now that he's there.」

You're not alone in here. People would help. Even Hope... The thing is, you cannot help someone who doesn't ask for help.

「From what Carlisle says, he doesn't want to end like this, but keeping silent about it will not change anything either, no matter how strongly he wishes for it. Atem literally found out through someone else, because someone else asked for him.」

I cannot ask the false gods.

[That answer is immediate, almost spiteful. Given his religious convictions, it's no real mystery why he would insist that.]

Why not?

「Is it though? It's obvious, given how fast he just chose to focus on that.」

They are false gods, Atem. It would be an affront to my goddess of the highest order.

[Yep. He's a church boy, all right.]

「Good Ra, why this again?」

Do you understand that they are not gods? No one worships them here, no one even seem to like them. Don't be so full of yourself! It is just sad that you'd think that your goddess would rather have you suffer and die before asking for help, this is no temptation, they are not demons! Learn some humility, Carlisle! Your goddess doesn't want you dead! You wouldn't be able to spread her word or do her will if you die or become something unrecognizable! Can't you see it?!

「It's evident his voice gets louder and louder as he speaks, how can someone be so blind!?」

And if that's the case, your goddess is cruel and merciless and I curse her for how shortsighted she's made you be!

「That's too much, he knows it — he doesn't care. Don't talk about religion to someone who was considered God among men.」

[Oh. Oh that was definitely too much. Carlisle's face is absolutely crimson, his blood boiling behind the vibrant glow of his eyes. HIs fingers tighten on his chair, as though trying to hold him back; he stands regardless, furious.]

You know nothing about my goddess! I have dedicated my life to her, sworn away years to serve in her name! You aren't of her world, nor in her service. How dare you presume to know what she wants! Or what she, in all her divinity, thinks of me! She—

[He grinds his teeth together, eyes widening as his mind catches up with his temper. He caught that at the end -- something unrecognizable. Despite the fire in his veins, his voice drops in tone, becomes like ice.]

What do you know.

I know enough.

「He could go on, oh by the Gods, he could. He's got a big mouth and big words. He could say that no god worthy of being called that would do that to their beloved children. That, on the other hand, Carlisle is disrespecting her from doing nothing. But that's not like him, not anymore, he wishes to think he's a little better than this — despite of how difficult is for him not to speak from his heart — he talked too much and said what he wanted to say, he is not this ruthless person, not anymore. He won't insult Carlisle's goddess, it would be as if he insulted his own.

He adopts a different demeanor, for as young as he looks, there is some seriousness in him that Carlisle might have never seen.」

Enough about what? What do you know about me?!

[Apparently, that's the part Carlisle takes the most umbrage with -- not just his goddess, not just Atem's disrespect of his deity, but with what personal information he may know about the cleric himself.]

「That is certainly the strange part to focus on.」

I think I made myself clear from the start, you're dying.

「Carlisle is not going to be Carlisle when, or if that happens, he'll be gone. Carlisle is going to die.」

Was it supposed to be a secret? Did you see the post that Kate made?

「Pretty sure he's not the only one who knows.」

No, I didn't see it! She kept it from me and went on about her business, like she always does!

[His body trembles; he stifles a cough, his hand going to his chest as he feels his ribcage rattle from within.]

You said I'd- I'd become something unrecognizable. Why? Why would you say such a thing? What do you think you know about me, or my goddess, or anything that's going to happen?!

[That cough makes its way out of him regardless -- and with it, the ink.]

「Woah, well that is so not his fault, really. Talk to you friends, Carlisle... He could have thought that someone at least would let him know and be aware of how his privacy had been breached.

This is very much like what happened with Michael, isn't it? Atem trying to fix things, just as he's used to. He would have thought he had learned by now.

Instead of answering immediately, the young man looks away, giving the very angry priest a moment to compose himself.」

Is it a lie?

It's none of your business!

[He says that, but given Atem is his student, is kind of is, at least in a way. Carlisle is too furious to see that at the second, to think of anything else about what it is others think they know about him. He's been dealing with it his entire life -- being watched, being judged, being thought of something less than what he is. It's all taken its toll on him down the line, embroiling him in the bitterness that will no doubt fuel the Revenant he leaves behind.

He can't have that, he thinks, his hand tightening against him -- it's on his abdomen now, on those old wounds. He can't have that or think about that or even consider that at the moment because he doesn't have enough time left and now there's ink on the floor again what a fantastic job he's done miserable failure of a Longinmouth who would never amount to anything but the downfall of his family both literally and figuratively—

He tries to clear his throat, but more ink comes up.]

I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask for her help, or your accusations, or this damnable curse.

「It's so fortunate that by the time Carlisle met Atem, he no longer was wearing the Millennium Eye, but he doesn't have to be able to see his thoughts to see his very obvious pain and frustration — things that in all honesty are making the young man want to get out of there as soon as possible, it's obvious he's making things worse. For as confident as Atem might look, he's not, he's afraid Carlisle will shut him out, but he has to try. This is not about him, this is about Carlisle and something terrible that's happening to him.

But more ink comes out and Atem cannot keep just being there doing nothing. He stands and approaches back to him again, offering a clean rag.」

I know you didn't. I'm not your enemy, Carlisle, please.

[While one hand remains on his abdomen, he brings the other up to keep Atem from him, his whole frame trembling, his legs threatening to buckle as he takes a step back.]

Don't touch me. And don't speak about my goddess in such a way. Don't speak about me in such a way.

[He grits his teeth on the emphasis, ink continuing to drip through them like venom.]

I... wasn't gonna.

「It is him who just gets away again, but not too far, opting to stand somehow near him anyway, just in case because he looks absolutely awful. What would Yugi do? He'd apologize and try to help him anyway, but Yugi is not there. He does not apologize for what he said, because he meant it, besides, going back to the topic would probably make it worse. He simply cannot warp his head around how anyone would put their faith on something that has given their back at them.

He should leave, but he cannot leave Carlisle like that, what if he just, dies right there? Who should he call? Rey, maybe? Could be.」

[Carlisle takes a moment to recompose himself, cycle a few breaths through him to soothe his riled energies. He sets one hand along the wall to steady himself; with the other, he drags that ink-stained bandage on his arm across his mouth, trying to get most of the black residue trailing from him. He's met with only marginal success, as usual.

He finds his voice a few seconds later; it's quieter, as shaky as the rest of him, far more graveled than before from the pain in his throat.]

Tell me what you know, Atem.

[That's not a question, nor a polite request.]

「The time that Carlisle gets to compose himself, Atem cannot help but go to these places again, what good is he here for? He cannot really help anyone, not even himself. He keeps trying with terrible results.

Will he stop though?

Probably no. He'd feel even worse not to care at all.」

Your soul is bleeding out.

「That's basically it, wasn't it?」

[Was that a heavy sigh that just escaped Carlisle, or is he struggling to breath? Probably a little of both.]

Is that what she said.

[Again, not a question.]

Yeah.

「It's obvious who they are talking about, right?

No, not Kate.」

Edited (¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) 2018-08-27 14:41 (UTC)

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